Hormonal thoughts and emotions

Having babies has never been a problem for me. In fact, it's been ridiculously easy. It's one of those things i definitely took for granted, so when i took a pregnancy test on a whim Saturday and it read positive i ignored the little gut feeling that i wasn't going to carry this one. But, honestly, by now I should know better than to ignore my momma-gut-feelings!!! My guts don't lie. Sometimes it's hard to hear anything over "FEED MEEEEE", but they still don't lie.

The huge range of emotions is amazing to me. The disappointment over it was expected. The sadness of losing something i only knew about for 5 days was more than i imagined. The anger was surprising. The relief because we simply can't afford a baby right now was shocking. The guilt for being relieved is hard to deal with. So is the guilt over wondering what i might have done wrong. The trust in God simply amazed me. I had no idea there was so much faith in me.

The crazy thoughts that go through my head are exhausting. Thinking about all my friends that have gone through miscarriages, and understanding. Thinking if i had waited a day i wouldn't have taken the test and i wouldn't have known any different. Thinking my friends and family are going to think I'm crazy when i tell them not even a week later that I'm not pregnant. Thinking that maybe the doctor that delivered Wes did something wrong. Thinking maybe there is something wrong with me that is just now showing up. Thinking that there are a million reasons why. Wondering if this might have been the baby girl I want so bad, and i won't get another. Wondering if i feel even a fraction of what Jessica feels. Wondering how hard this would have been if i didn't already have my two beautiful kids, if we had actually consciously been trying to conceive. Wondering if i'll know this baby in Heaven. Wondering how many miscarriages I've had before and just didn't know about.

In all my hormonal thoughts and emotions, I have to remember my husband is going through this too. I know he's disappointed, but still manages to be tough for me. Somehow manages to tell me it's going to be ok, it's God's plan, and to quit being a wuss all in one sentence! I guess that's why i love him.

So i tell myself to "Cowgirl up". And i'm trying. There are still fences to build, horses to water, laundry to fold and kids to chase. And there will be more kids someday. Just not today!

When all else fails.....Get a little rednecked!

I bought a bottle of white wine for a recipe. I imagine, if you know me at all, you can guess where the recipe came from! (I'll give you a hint: http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/06/chicken-with-olives/ She had me at "olives"!!!) So anyways, i've never actually bought wine to cook with before, i always substituted with broth. Heck, i've never bought wine PERIOD! But i discovered three things:

1. Wine ain't all that bad....and i'm definitely a lightweight now-a-days,

2. I love love love the result of cooking with wine and i plan on doing it more often,

and 3. If you're going to buy wine...keep in mind you've got to get that bottle open somehow.







Preferably with a corkscrew.







I dont own one of those.




I've learned it's against the law, so i will remedy that as soon as possible.


This is where that fine line i have between city chick/country girl comes in to play here. I have a bottle of wine, but no civilized tool to get it open. So i let a little redneck out!

A drill, a screw.......



And a pair of pliers! Who needs a corkscrew?

This is what it went into

My friends, if you like wine and you like green olives, it is absolutely necessary that you try this recipe!

I'll give ya the link to P Dubs site, just in case you missed it before. It is that important.

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/06/chicken-with-olives/