Baby Makenna

Yesterday, with tears rolling down my face, I watched my baby boy blow raspberries for the first time. I cried because one of my best friends won’t get to see anymore “firsts” from her baby girl. She doesn’t get to laugh at the silly things her baby does, she doesn’t get to watch her learn to walk and talk. I cry because a little innocent life was taken away from all of us so senselessly.

It’s hard not to imagine myself in her shoes. She tells me her story, and I picture my own babies. Every time I walk in my kitchen, I can’t help but think of the nightmarish scene she saw in her own and wonder how I could live through that horror if it were me. I imagine the phone calls she had to make to tell family and friends that the baby we all love is gone and don’t know if I’d have the strength to do it. I feel the sadness and helplessness of the situation and know that it’s not even close to the grief that that Momma’s heart is feeling.

I know that her pain and hurt is just getting started. There are still so many things that no mother should ever have to even think about that she is going to be faced with in the very near future. I know that there are a lot of people that love and care for her, and will do anything to help her, but even the power of our love can’t change what is done. Even with all of us supporting her, she still has to deal with losing one of her children. No one can take that pain from her.

I hope that I can be strong enough to be the support she needs from me. I hope that somehow I can figure out how to control my own sadness and anger to give her all the help I can. I hope she knows that she’s not alone and does not have to go through one bit of this process by herself if she doesn’t want to.

Makenna Jo, you are loved and missed.